Yo! It’s episode six of series seven, and hot cheese, it keeps on going! Just inside info here, the preambles are probably the hardest thing to write in this series of articles, because I have literally nothing to play off. And this series of Death in Paradise really hasn’t given me much to go on. It should have been an (at least) semi-exciting series with a new detective, but literally all I can say about it, is that it is continuing.
It continues to exist.
So yeah, preamble done. (And nailed, if I do say so myself)
It’s time to be Putting the D in the P, to the power of 706! (Own title blah blah)! Let’s go!
Series 7 Episode 6 – Death and Relaxation
Hey! We’re doing some relaxing this episode, at at a relaxation retreat! There’s pottery, therapy, meditation, robes, green tea and most importantly a gong! Some guys are going out onto the grass for a meditation session – Cressida Friend is conducting (?) the sesh and Gabe Lee, Eva Ingram, and William Byrn are ready to chillax! (The kids tell me that that’s chilling a nd relaxing at the same time.) But Daniel Friend, the owner of this fine relaxatorium, is too cool for school – he’s off for a swim! When the meditation’s over, Cressida and Gabe go for some walkies and find Daniel collapsed! Gabs (my laptop keeps auto-correcting Gabe to Gabs, so I’m gonna roll with it) rushes over and confirms Daniel’s dead!!! SMASH CUT TO TITLES!!
Back, somewhere else on the island, Mooney is to give a speech for the Commish who’s about to get an award for like Commish of the Year or something. Trouble is, Mooney doesn’t know diddly-squat about the Commish. Seems like no one does – he’s an enigma! (I just summed up the multiple scenes of that entire sub-plot in two sentences, so…)
Anyways, Mooney can’t sit around for ever, we’ve got a murder to solve! At the retreat, Mooney and the team get to grips with the case. The retreat seems to be all relaxxy – they’re not even allowed to use mobile phones, and definitely not the Tweeters. It looks like Daniel has been strangled with one of the belts from the retreat uniforms. What’s more, there’s one belt missing from the laundry! The only other interesting thing is that under Daniel’s body, there’s a key – that seems to be for some kind of lockbox!
In the hunt for stuff to pad out this episode, JP and Dwayne start to read the literature of the retreat. What’s that I hear? Sounds like it’s time for another DWAYNE AND JP WACKY SUB-PLOT TM. JP thinks all you need to get what you want, is to visualise it. Positive thinking and all that, you know. You gotta remain positive, see. Like I did when I was working at my charity shop. But now I don’t work there, because I run the whole thing! That’s right, I was so good at managing my local charity shop, they put me in charge of the whole company! I’ve fired all the staff of everywhere, so I’m looking for some new staff. You wanna be the manager of the Hull shop? Hull was voted the worst city in the UK for five years running, so you wouldn’t have to put in much effort. You wanna run the Oxford shop? Oxford’s all brainy and stuff, so you might get loads of books. You wanna go run the Isle of Man shop? My assistant tells me people actually live there! You wanna run any of these shops, all you have to do is email me at TwoJPHoopersAndImJustWatching@aol.net. These shops are gonna go fast, so do the emails, and send those emails to me NOW!!
Anyhoo, the search turns up no belt, but it does turn up some notes in Daniel’s room. But the notes aren’t his. They’re William Bryn’s. See, William Bryn was looking to write an expose on Daniel, because, I dunno, relaxation doesn’t exist or something. Anyways, Daniel found out and I guess that’s a motive.
Let’s turn our attention to Gabe. Looks like Gabe had taken an extended sabbatical after some douchey boyfriend drove his twin sister to suicide. Gabe was doing some confrontation therapy with Daniel – which is like relaxation therapy but with more punching and loud noises. Gabe went off to a bar in a strop, and promised to kill Daniel. So I guess it wasn’t him (because that’s too obvious) Now onto Cressida (if you think reading this is rather dry, imagine watching it). Looks like Daniel was a little rough. And by a little I mean he broke one of Cressida’s ribs in a fight! That sounds like another motive!
Back at the station, the Commish’s speech is going terribly and who wants to sit around and write a speech when there’s a murder to solve! Especially because it looks like Daniel Friend only came into existence 3 years ago. Which means he had another identity before! Before he was Michael Bennett! And we know that, because Dwayne and JP visualise finding the lockbox and they do (yes this is really primetime on BBC One)
So Daniel/Michael actually wasn’t on the way for a swim, he was on the way to retrieve the lockbox. Because he was fucking off. Someone had rumbled him, and that someone waaaaasssssss…Eva Ingram! Who used to run a business with Michael Bennett, and got short changed by him! Eva was at the retreat to get her money back, but Michael had other ideas and went to skedaddle. That seems like a motive too, I guess.
So this rather thin investigation is all ready to be wrapped up. Mooney has nothing for the Commish awards and he is forced to make up a speech as he goes along. Make…up…as…he…goes…along. As Mooney sits down after the speech, he has a
seizure orgasm EPIPHANY!
Rounding the suspects up, Mooney knows who killed Danny-boy forward slash Michael. And JIMINY CRACKERS it was Gabe!!!! So that boyfriend who fucked Gabe’s sister around, which led her to suicide? That was Michael Bennett! So Gabe came to Saint Marie, to dish out some justice. He knew Daniel forward slash Michael’s schedule so put a strong sedative in his tea just before he was due to go swimming. Trouble was, Daniel wasn’t going swimming, he was going to get his box to scarper! So Gabe and Cressida found Daniel collapsed and Gabe had to improvise, killing him when he was alone with Dan, with his belt. Jeez Louise! Okay, TAKE HIM AWAY!!!
Equilibrium is restored, and there’s not much to wrap up. Dwayne and JP finally realise that all the visualisation stuff is bullshit and the Commish liked Mooney’s impromptu speech! Happy days!
Overall, this is just going to be another episode that will be forgotten. Nothing of note really happened. And at this point, I’m starting to think that that is the way the show runner likes it. I’ve noticed a distinct lack of Robert Thorogood writing credits this series, and I don’t want to admit it, but there’s been a real decline because of it. We’ve got two episodes left, and I hope the last one at least is penned by Robert. Let’s end Series 7 in a surprising way – with a good episode.
UP NEXT – Someone dies, there are four (maybe five) suspects – all of which have a motive, there’s a weird clue, there’s an epiphany, and there’s a wrap-up.