Putting the D in the P: Last Night(ish) on Death in Paradise (Series 6 Episode 5)

Putting the D in the P: Last Night(ish) on Death in Paradise (Series 6 Episode 5)


Hello and welcome to ‘Putting the D in the P’, my weekly look at the latest episode of Death in ParadiseDeath in Paradise is one of my favourite shows on television, and when casting your eyes down to the article below, just remember that my light-hearted ribbing is coming from a place of love.

I abjectly refuse to entertain any comments saying this post is late! In what way does ‘Putting the D in the P: Last Night on Death in Paradise’ imply that my post will be out the next day????

Oh wait…


In the same week that Silent Witness jetted off to Mexico, Death in Paradise jetted off somewhere far less sunny. Good ol’ London. This was something I knew was coming up. Robert Thorogood talked about it at Crimefest last year (I assume that’s okay to say now) but I really thought it was something they were going to save for the finale. This ‘event’ (and believe me, that is in the loosest sense of the word) is undoubtedly the centrepiece of the entire season, so I don’t know what that really says about Episode 7 and 8. Are they going to feel weird, going back to the self-contained and sunny Saint-Marie?

Indeed, half of this episode buckled under an almost unfair expectation. The first thirty minutes took place as usual with Humph, Florence and co. just doing business on the island. It felt long, and almost a little redundant, as we got treated to a murder mystery with suspects that weren’t fleshed out…because the real suspects were in London. Of course, this is a two-parter, so I hope that is remedied somewhat in Part Two. Maybe it’ll all loop back to Saint-Marie somehow.

Anyway, we’ll talk more about this along the way. Here we go guys, let’s start Putting the D in the P! Get your passports ready! (Again, my title seeing as they don’t have them.)

Series 6 Episode 5: International Waters (Part One)


At the Honore Police Station, it’s annual appraisal time, and let me tell you, it is off the fucking chain. There’s paperwork, questioning, a lingering sense of loss – the whole kahuna! Dwayne’s getting questioned by good ol’ Humph and he appears to have left the improvements section blank! The bastard! Anyway, it looks like JP’s appraisal will have to wait because it’s hometime!

Humph goes to the bar on his todd and is still feeling rather sorry for himself. The woman he loves is halfway across the world, and unfortunately for Humph, he has the worst bookmark ever. A picture of Martha and him just chilling out. Happy times! Anyway, everyone else at the bar seems to be paired up, almost as if they had known and wanted to rub it in Humph’s face. Humph watches a group of English people as they leave, leaving two lovebird dudes alone.


Later in the night, Humph is suitably tanked (probably) and it seems the guy dude has left, leaving the girl dude alone. He isn’t answering her calls. The boats missing from the harbour and a storm’s coming so they have to wait till morning to do anything.In the morn, the boat is found out at sea, and…of course…the guy dude is as dead as (my ex-wife) baggy pants, bopped on the head with something.

Roll dem titles!


Back on the boat, Humph takes a look at the crime scene. This dude was an experienced sailor, so it would be highly unlikely he let something bop him on the head voluntarily, even in a storm. No, we’re looking at an unsanctioned bop. A murderous bop, if you will. But no one else is on the boat, and the boat is out at sea. What’s more, the radar sonar thingimigig shows that no other boats came anywhere near the boat during the night.

Humph is a bit perplexed by the fact the blood on his wound is dry, despite him being out on the deck in the middle of a storm. Easy – he was killed below deck, and brought upstairs. Below deck, Humph finds something odd. A shiny coin or a badge or something with a sigil of a flower on it. There’s no flippin’ way this isn’t important.


Back on mainland, Humph tells JP to search the boat and then question the dudes at the harbour, to see if any of them were………..HARBOUR-ING a grudge. (the only thing we have in common as a species is that we’ll all die someday)

It’s time for the good old group interview scene, and it just so happens there’s four suspects again. Always bloody four. They’re the three women Humph saw leaving the girl dude and the guy dude alone and also the girl dude herself. They were out on Saint-Marie celebrating birthdays or some shit. It doesn’t matter.

The widower, Sophie Boyd, wants to help. The victim was Tom Lewis, her dudebro. Tom didn’t know anyone else on the island. Indeed, the others didn’t know Tom until the holiday so protest to killing him. They’re all really bitchy to Humph and Florence, and are probably the blandest people this side of Honore. But I guess we better run down them. There’s Rachel Baldwin, Hema Patel and Lucy Chapman. Humph takes none of their shit. But the one important thing is that none of them recognise the shiny button thing Humph found on the boat.


So far, so Saint-Marie. But it’s all looking a little more English when Humph finds out that the flower on the shiny button thing is the logo for CityMet bank in London. What’s more, Lucy Chapman (aside: do you think there’s like a Death in ParadiseTM name generator out there? Say there’s five new characters every episode (one victim, four suspects), eight episodes a season, five plus seasons, that’s over 200 names by now. Jesus Christ.) drops by the station to drop a truth bomb!

Tom was a bit odd to Lucy. She saw him counting loads of cash on the boat one day, and she heard him on the phone agreeing to meet someone. Tom did know people on the island. Even more importantly, we learn some key information in the ensuing flashback. SO IMPORTANT that the writers and the characters don’t even acknowledge it. Lucy can clearly be seen…carrying an apple and a banana. Where is she going with that apple and banana? What us she intending to do with that apple and banana? Intriguing, no? Well I’d have to pick no


Anyways, JP finds out something to corroborate Lucy’s fruity concerns. A fisherman saw Tom Lewis on his boat before the storm. And then another man got on afterwards. We seem to be getting somewhere! But not to fucking London. This man has to be the killer, so all the women are out I guess. See what I mean? All of this so far was pointless.

Maybe the mystery man was connected to CityMet bank? When Florence says this, JP says that he talked to four men from CityMet bank at the harbour. (Four again. Four a-fucking-gain. FOUR. FOUR!! Four, four, four, four. Some might say it’s a four-mula.) One of these men killed Tom Lewis…but unfortunately they’ve already gone back to London. So, after some wangling from the commissioner, it’s off to London!!!

Finally! Humph, Florence and Dwayne touch down in her Majesty’s finest city (that’s actually Hull I think) while JP stays behind to interview suspects and have an amusing sub-plot with the commissioner, when he decides to observe JP as a substitute appraisal (because Humph never got to JP remember? Good).


Humph, Florence and JP meet the eccentric DI Jack Mooney (who’s obviously probably going to be Humph’s replacement when Kris Marshall leaves at the end of the series). He’s a lovable doofus, who’s rather idiotic but also has a heart of gold. Remind you of anyone?

Humph, Mooney and Florence go off to CityMet bank to meet suspects five, six,, seven and eight (God help us all) while Dwayne stays in the office on whiteboard duty. Gotta keep those whiteboards ship shape. Whether you’re in the Caribbean or Stoke Newington, it’s all the same! It’s also super clear that the only British thing Dwayne has been privvy to is Wallace and Gromit.


Anyways, probably surprising no-one the London bankers are utter wankers. I can’t actually really tell them apart. But I guess I’ll reel off their names. There’s Frank Henderson, the banking one, Steve Thomas, the financier, Dominic Green, the money man, and Martin West, the croupier. They’re not much help, but turns out that silver button thing with the CityMet logo was a part of a cufflink. There are only four pairs really?? The wankers in the room. Mooney asks to see them when they return tomorrow. Obviously whoever’s is missing killed Tom Dudebro. Seems simple.


So simple in fact, that everyone’s gonna go off and have a SUB-PLOT. Humph, Florence and Mooney go to the pub where Humph and Florence confess their love for each other talk about Martha. Humph swings by her restaurant, but it’s closed. Meanwhile, Dwayne goes to look up his Aunty Lillibeth in Hack-a-ney. Unfortunately he finds old bastard Nelson Myers brother to Aunty Lillibeth in his Aunty Lillibeth’s house. Nelson’s a real twat to Dwayne when he realises who he is. That’s all we really get for now. I’m no scientist (they wouldn’t let me on the course unless I wore trousers, which is a dealbreaker I’m afraid) but I think these SUB-PLOTs may well be resolved next week.

Back to the case and JP has dug up an old photo, proving Tom Lewis knew Frank Henderson, so ol’ Frankie’s been telling porkies. Tom was an old friend who liked sailing, that’s all OKAY? Tom’s old life in the city of London was torn apart when his son (say wha???) was killed in a sailing trip. That’s why he off and went to the Caribbean.


Oh yeah, there’s a trap door on the boat, because of course there is. Gives something for JP and the Commish to do I guess. So the current theory is that Frank killed Tom, hid in the hidey hole, then snuck off when the boat was back at the harbour. Unfortunately, when Humph, Florence and Mooney go to arrest Frankie, it turns out he’s as dead as (my ex-wife) dishwater. It looks like he shot himself.

TO. BE. CONTINUED. Fuck yeah!

Overall, this episode felt a bit cluttered. There’s a lot of information here to digest, but quite a lot of it feels totally redundant. It’s hard to say definitively, seeing as we only have half of the story. Maybe it will all tie together. Maybe all four of the girls on Saint-Marie are implicated somehow and maybe all the wankers are involved too. Of course, what we’re all here for are the key characters and they all got some good moments here. Even Mooney has made a big (and decidedly unique) impression, despite only being involved for 27 minutes.

Obviously, it’ll all hinge on next week!

UP NEXT: London! What happened with the dude who shot himself? I bet he didn’t shoot himself. What happened with the boat dude? I bet he didn’t boat (?) himself. And most importantly, what happened to the apple and banana that Lucy was seen to be carrying?

See you next week!


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